life is short

"Life is short but sweet for certain".

It has been a week since I started this endeavor in my life. I am scared, weak, and a little pist-off. I went to the ER last week with rapid pulse and my head felt like it was gonna pop off my body. Quite a visual...to many cartoons as a kid I think.

The doc's still don't know whats going on and I am getting now where fast with the phone. I have another week to see the "specialist", and all I can do is Be with it.

This is not easy for the big red "S" wearing super woman. I'm the one who gets the job done. I know where all the lost Lego pieces are, and when the bus comes and goes. I know all the answers to questions like: "MOM! where is my left shoe?" ...I dunno, I put it back when I was done with it. And yet I do this all with calmness, or so I thought.

Controlling chaos is a recipe for failure....

for me- failure in my health, or at least a glitch.

This is the lesson in trust. Trust that there is a force bigger than I who will level the playing field and that I might be the one who needs the leveling, and I need to be OK with this.

It doesn't mean I sit on my laurels and do nothing. I can do something like by taking charge of my health. Eat better than the average American diet, get the right kind of exercise, and learn to recognize when I need to "let it go".

Trust.

I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of leaving things undone. I do fear that my seven year old boy won't have his mom to help him grow up......

Or that I didn't tell you how important you were in my life.

Life is short- and I have had the misfortune of not being able to say those words to some friends that have gone on.

Trust the process, and tell the ones you love how you feel.

I will be OK, even though bad things may happen. It's just hard when you so omnipotent ya know.- namaste